I’m Thankful for J.

USA Today recently reported on research that correlates a thankful spirit with happiness. It states that people who practice outward gratitude on a regular basis tend to be healthier people:

Practicing gratitude in systematic ways changes people by changing brains that are wired for negativity, for noticing gaps and omissions…When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful.

Makes sense. The problem is that it’s easier to focus on the negative than the positive. And negativity is highly contagious. It takes effort to remain in a thankful spirit, and one can easily slip into a complaining mindset. As a pastor, I have, at times, given too much credence to negativity while letting the overwhelming positive support of the church fade into the background.

Personally, I am truly thankful to shepherd a church with a missional mindset. I am even more thankful for wife who supports and encourages me like no other. And I am most thankful for a Savior through whom all good things come.

In this blog, however, I want to thank a friend. I’ll just call him J.

J. is a “pre-pastor” friend. I’ve known him since I worked in the commodity trading industry, before I was a full-time vocational pastor. He’s seen me at my best and my worst. And J. has supported me with his encouragement through it all.

As I’ve moved, J. and I have made the effort to stay in touch on a regular basis. He has been a consistent friend no matter where I live or what I’m doing. And God has used the current distance between us (almost 1,000 miles) to reveal to me the importance of a friend like J.

• J. helps to give me clarity of purpose when I can be bogged in the mire of minutiae.

• I can talk to J. about things I cannot discuss with church members or staff.

• J. keeps me honest.

• J. cares about how my book is selling, how my church is growing, and the direction of my ministry, but not as much as he cares about me.

• Talking or writing to J. helps me realize what’s important and what’s not.

Every pastor (indeed, everyone) needs a friend like J. Friends like J. are rare. Research may show a correlation between an attitude of thankfulness and contentment. But I think a greater contributor to contentment is the impact of people. So today I thank God for J.

The Spontaneous Pastor

One thing that does not come naturally to me is spontaneity. I am a planner, scheduler, and organizer. I do very little on a whim. If the calendar on my computer were to crash, my world would crumble. My wife, on the other hand, is the queen of spontaneity. I know God has a sense of humor because He created the “opposites attract” thing. Erin likes to do things on the spur of the moment. I do not.

[Interruption! As soon as I typed the last sentence above, my assistant told me that a man was at the front of our church wanting the pastor to pray with him. This interruption was clearly not a planned part of my day, but I went downstairs to join him. After praying with him, I had the privilege of seeing the Holy Spirit work in his life as he accepted Christ. God works in amazing ways – I was writing a blog on being more spontaneous, and He immediately interrupted my writing and provided such an opportunity. What a great God we serve!]

The remainder of this post clearly takes on a new meaning for me now. My purpose was to demonstrate how important it is for pastors just to live life. But instead of writing about it, God allowed me to see it in real time. I was going to write about how spontaneity helps with better sermon illustrations. I was planning on making the point that spontaneity provides opportunities to share your faith. I was going to write about how spontaneity prevents a pastor from making too many decisions behind a desk. Instead, I think I’ll end my post now and thank God for introducing me to someone who needed Him. It’s entirely unplanned, but entirely a God thing.

Good Practices During the Leadership Honeymoon

A new season of ministry brings no shortage of emotions. In my recent transition to Sarasota Baptist Church, I was excited, stressed, and itching to accomplish something. Any major transition in life can put people on edge. Leaders, in particular, face the challenge of visibility during these times of transition. The people are learning the new leader’s verbiage, mannerisms, vision, and leadership style. The leader, in turn, is assessing organizational structure, relationship dynamics, and culture. In many organizations, leaders are more visible during this process than at any other time. This honeymoon stage is a time of high visibility for the leader, but it is also usually one during which people are most forgiving.

Those in church leadership positions are probably familiar with the honeymoon stage. For most, this time is one in which the people are excited to rally around and support a new leader. But it is also a time in which problems are simmering unseen, waiting to surface once the honeymoon fades.

During the honeymoon, leaders have a tendency to revert to default modes. Some leaders default to a more autocratic leadership style; others lean towards a style that is too gracious and laissez faire. One of my leadership defaults is assessment. During the honeymoon stage, I lean towards over-assessing and over-analyzing. While leaders should assess a new ministry during a transition, the pitfall is understanding exactly who and what to assess. In order to prevent cruising in default mode, there are some good practices for the honeymoon stage. I’ve listed a few below. Feel free to add your own insight in the comments.

Learn to love the people. Some people in the church are easy to love. For others, it takes a little more time and spiritual commitment. But all the people need to see their leadership as loving. It does not matter what leadership role you play in an organization or ministry, followers like to know who is leading them. Learning the people takes a lot more time on the front end, but this process is invaluable in the long term. Big, transformational changes are much easier if you know people’s stories.

Celebrate little victories. In a time of transition, don’t jump into unnecessary major changes. Start a tenure by pointing out small victories. Vocalizing others’ successes not only builds people up, it reinforces expectations in a positive way.

Don’t be afraid to point out some of your idiosyncrasies. Everyone has foibles. And people pick up on them quickly. Show levity by admitting them to others in a tactful way. If you tend to ramble, then tell people, “I like to think out loud.” Communication will be easier earlier if leaders recognize their own quirks.

Maintain a long-term mindset. A long-term mindset is critical to lead any group of people. Organizations are complex organisms that cannot be digested all at once. A lack of a long-term commitment will squelch any potential for a leader to act in a transformational capacity.

Get to know the community. You cannot lead a church without knowing the church. Additionally, you cannot lead a church to reach the community unless you know the community. One of the best windows of opportunity to talk with community leaders is during the honeymoon. And one way to make an immediate impact is to ask them about their biggest needs.

Enjoy it. Perhaps the quickest snare to trip is stress. If you maintain a long-term outlook, some of the early stresses (which always seem smaller in hindsight) are moderated. Therefore, enjoy loving the people. Enjoy the lack of complaints. Enjoy your community. And enjoy the privilege to serve the Creator of the universe.

One Key to Reclamation: The Simple Act of Encouragement

For my book, co-authored with my father, our research team interviewed 394 rechurched young adults to find out why they returned to church. One myth that could be easily dismissed is that they were too angry at the church to return. In fact, the rechurched told us in overwhelming numbers that anger at the church was not a factor in their departures. Apathy tended to be the trump card over anger.

Surprisingly, the dechurched often just needed a gentle nod to become the rechurched. And that gentle nod came most often from friends and family. Nearly four out ten (39%) rechurched told us that parents or other family members were instrumental in their return to church. Another two out of ten (21%) said that they returned to church after friends or acquaintances encourage them to attend.

Eliminating the overlapping responses, we find that exactly one-half (50%) of the rechurched are back in church because of the encouragement of a friend or family members. It is easy to pass by the previous sentence with little reaction, but it is a profound reality. We lose two-thirds of young adults between the ages of 18 and 22, but we can reclaim half of them with a simple act of encouragement from family and friends.

The Material Possessions Gap

From the Pew Research Center: people perceive others have more than they really do.

Presented with a list of high-end consumer goods and services, and asked whether they have them and whether they believe most other people have them, most Americans tend to over-estimate what most other families have; for example, more than six-in-ten (62%) believe that most families have a high definition television, whereas just 42% of all adults say that their family has one. Similarly, about a quarter (24%) of respondents believe that most people have a child in private school, though only 15% of parents with school age children report having a child in private school.

These statistics are not surprising, but it made me think of how blessed I am. Many people in the United States and worldwide are struggling with keeping homes, getting fed, and caring for children. A great number of people across the globe live on less than $2 per day. I am too often guilty of wanting the next thing. Reading this research I was convicted – I should pour more energy into the Great Commission and less into the great accumulation.