You inherit a lot when you’re a new pastor at an established church. Being the new guy at FBC Murray, I did not realize until I got here how important prayer is to this church. I’ve been blessed to inherit such a healthy attitude about prayer among the people.

We pray collectively every Wednesday evening. The church recognizes the importance of both corporate and private prayer times. I love praying with my church family for many reasons, but it’s most exciting because they are so passionate.

There’s nothing specifically cutting-edge about our prayer time. We spend about a third of our time praying for missionaries we know. Another third praying for those who are sick. And another third praying for local and church-specific ministries.

Our Wednesday evenings are a wonderful time together, but what’s missing is the personal touch to those for whom we are praying. So we’ve started inviting leaders of local ministries and other community leaders to join us. We physically surround them, spiritually lifting them up in prayer. We do the same for those who are struggling personally with physical or spiritual issues. Next week, we’ll begin to Skype in missionaries from across the globe, having them join us electronically. We’ll pray for them as they listen and watch through Internet hinterland. I’m looking forward to praying with my cousin, David, and his family in Japan next week.

It’s not avant-garde, just a basic way to connect with those for whom we pray. But there’s power in a simple personal touch coupled with fervent prayer.

My wife and I are in San Diego this week at the National Outreach Convention. It’s been a great convention thus far. I had the opportunity to lead a discussion group this morning …at 7:15AM! I think most of the attendees were on central or eastern time . A person in our group asked a great question: How do you define and assess church health? We spent the next hour discussing this issue, but let me share with you one point of our discussion that is perhaps one of the most neglected church health metrics: attendance frequency.

Most churches track how many people attend, but few churches know how often people are coming. People do not simply quit church one week; they phase out. They begin by attending less frequently. This issue is one of the biggest reasons why churches decline. Understandably, a plethora of spiritual reasons exist why people attend less frequently, but many churches do not even realize that people are gradually leaving the church by attending less often.

Let me share with you a basic exercise:

Church A has 400 people that come 4 out of 4 weeks (yes, I know that’s a pipe dream, but hang with me for the sake of argument). This attendance frequency means that the church averages 400 in attendance.

Church B has 400 people that come 3 out of 4 weeks (not too bad). But this attendance frequency means that the church averages 300 in attendance.

Church C has 400 people that come on average 2 out of 4 weeks (probably more realistic). They average 200 in attendance.

I’m sure that you get the point by now. Each church has 400 people that are part of the flock, but the average attendance at Church C is much less than Church A. As attendance frequency drops, the churches have drastically smaller averages, without “losing” anyone.

I am not advocating legalism – a haughty attitude that every time the church doors are open everyone must be there. But the family that once attended almost every week and now attends ten times a year is gradually leaving the church.

Attendance frequency. It’s not the most important church health metric, but it’s one that is neglected. And it’s one of the biggest reasons that churches are declining.

I also noticed that my Dad posted on this exact same topic over at his blog. I guess I am my father’s son. It won’t be long before I’ll be singing cheesy 60s songs and telling corny jokes…

I found myself last week in a friendly exchange with a ministry team leader about one line item in their budget. Then I realized I was micro-managing. Even though my intentions were good, and my tone pleasant, I was still acting like an autocrat.

Nice dictators exist, at least in the leadership sense. I refer to these types of leaders in the church as amiable autocrats. Friendly church dictators rule from their positional authority. They order everyone around because their title enables them to do so, and they do it with a smile.

Amiable autocrats are typically well-liked by the general congregation, but their teams are miserable. These church leaders genuinely like other people, but they do not want to help transform them. They enjoy bossing others, and they assume that their direct reports like it that way as well.

What does an amiable autocrat look like? Here are a few characteristics:

• They have a total lack of self-awareness. They lead from their friendliness, and they think that their relationships are enough to warrant their commands.
• They avoid conflict at all costs or anything else that may affect their friendly image.
• They project their weaknesses on others. Have you ever been reviewed by a superior only to think that he reviewed himself and gave you his score? Amiable autocrats frustrate direct reports by seeing their own faults in others.
• They are liked by outsiders, but they irritate insiders. People who report to friendly dictators typically do not despise their bosses. But these followers do feel trapped and irritated. For example, a congregation may have no clue about the leadership style of their pastor, and the direct reports cannot address the issue with the leader because he’s not self-aware enough to realize his problems.
• They’ve stolen credit from others for so long that it’s a natural process for them. They don’t even know they’re doing it anymore.
• They insist on relaying all the good news to the congregation; they also figure out ways to have others communicate bad news.
• They are optimistic about the wrong things. Friendly dictators are rarely negative, but they praise the wrong metrics. They pick the wrong team leaders. They promote the wrong people. They get the congregation fired up about the wrong vision.
• They micro-manage irrelevant details. Amiable autocrats waste hours of staff meetings discussing irrelevant topics and details. They’re more concerned with things like service order than with things like the discipleship process. They will dictate instructions on the minutia and neglect the bigger picture.

Reporting to an amiable autocrat is better than serving under a tyrant. But it is one of the most frustrating ministry positions. What other characteristics help describe an amiable autocrat? If you’ve served under someone like this, how did you handle it?

The Barna Group recently released research that reveals how attitudes about Bible usage are changing across generations. They interviewed over 1,000 people in five separate studies. They defined each generation in the study: the Mosaic generation (ages 18 to 25), the Busters (ages 26 to 44), Boomers (ages 45 to 63), and Elders (ages 64-plus).

You can read the full report here, but below are some of the differences they found between generations:

Less Sacred – While most Americans of all ages identify the Bible as sacred, the drop-off among the youngest adults is striking: 9 out of 10 Boomers and Elders described the Bible as sacred, which compares to 8 out of 10 Busters (81%) and just 2 out of 3 Mosaics (67%).

Less Accurate – Young adults are significantly less likely than older adults to strongly agree that the Bible is totally accurate in all of the principles it teaches. Just 30% of Mosaics and 39% of Busters firmly embraced this view, compared with 46% of Boomers and 58% of Elders.

More Universalism – Among Mosaics, a majority (56%) believes the Bible teaches the same spiritual truths as other sacred texts, which compares with 4 out of 10 Busters and Boomers, and one-third of Elders.

Skepticism of Origins – Another generational difference is that young adults are more likely to express skepticism about the original manuscripts of the Bible than is true of older adults.

Less Engagement – While many young adults are active users of the Bible, the pattern shows a clear generational drop-off – the younger the person, the less likely they are to read the Bible. In particular, Busters and Mosaics are less likely than average to have spent time alone in the last week praying and reading the Bible for at least 15 minutes. Interestingly, none of the four generations were particularly likely to say they aspired to read the Bible more as a means of improving their spiritual lives.

Bible Appetite – Despite the generational decline in many Bible metrics, one departure from the typical pattern is the fact that younger adults, especially Mosaics (19%), express a slightly above-average interest in gaining additional Bible knowledge. This compares with 12% of Boomers and 9% of Elders.

So, younger generations have a greater hunger for Bible knowledge than older generations, yet they are more skeptical, read it less, and consider it less accurate. While this research is certainly discouraging on the surface, it reveals a deeper opportunity as well. If you feed the hunger for Bible knowledge through biblical depth in all areas of ministry, then perhaps you’ll see the fruit of less skepticism and a higher view of Scripture.

Perhaps nothing is both joyous and awkward like being asked to perform the wedding ceremony of a couple you do not know well. If you’re a pastor and like me, you want to rejoice with the couple, but you can’t commit on the spot without asking personal questions. In order to prevent the inevitable uncomfortable questions, I’ve written a form letter to give to every couple that asks me to perform the ceremony. The purpose of the letter is to provide a filter for me and also to keep me consistent with which ceremonies I will perform. I’ve provided a modified version of the letter below – I also require the couple to sign a statement of agreement with it. Feel free to modify and use it if you like.

First let me congratulate you on your upcoming marriage. The family unit is the foundational institution of human society. The ties between a husband and wife are strong as they mirror the union between Christ and the church. As a pastor who takes seriously the covenant commitment between a man and a woman, I am honored that you have asked me to perform the ceremony.

Before I commit to performing the ceremony, I ask that you affirm the following details about yourselves:

• In this marriage, you are both affirming that you have accepted Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, you have made a confession of this faith to a local church body, and you have been baptized as a public announcement of your faith. If you have any doubts or questions about a relationship with Christ, I will be happy to discuss this with you.
• In this marriage, you are affirming the covenant commitment to each other for a lifetime. Breaking this promise to each other means you are also breaking your promise to God.
• In this marriage, you affirm that you will model the way in which God relates to His people. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, sacrificing everything for her. A wife is to submit herself graciously to her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.
• If blessed with children, you will both teach your children spiritual and moral values founded upon biblical Truth.
• In order to help the marriage start well, you both commit to marriage counseling with me or someone approved by me.
• In order to keep the sanctity of marriage complete, you affirm that you are not currently nor will participate in sexual immorality with each other or someone else. If you have been sexually active with each other, you commit from this point forward to repent of this sin, and to refrain from sexual activity and living together until you are married.
• In order to keep the marriage biblical, you are both affirming that neither of you have been previously divorced, with the exception of a few limited cases. If needed, I will be happy to discuss with you the biblical details of these exceptions.

I will be praying for you. The gift of marriage is an amazing blessing from our Lord. It is an incredible joy for which we should be eternally grateful to God. Once you sign and return the attached sheet, we can discuss the details of your wedding ceremony.